Sunday, 20 February 2011

Belated Baby Stuff...

OK, so I owe somebody a thank you.

If you hadn't been such a massive tit I'd still be haplessly chasing after you, getting absolutely nowhere and would never have fallen pregnant.

This little bundle of cells has brought me more happiness in five weeks than you could probably have mustered up in a lifetime.

[Admittedly it's got me just as paranoid but that's a compromise I'm willing to make.]

So, for those checking my blog on a daily basis (and noticing that two entries have been condemned to the recesses of 'I totally never wrote that') - Annie Phetamine is five weeks pregnant and all being well, intends to begin her collection of Pokem...I mean 'family'...late October.

On that note, I've written something new

To I, our one bedroom,

One bathroom home,

You first made yourself known.

Didn't hesitate to stipulate

Ground rule designation

For our cohabitation;

When, one week late, I awoke

To discover the smell of smoke

Which I could locate from

Across to road, knocked me sick.

I couldn't look twice at a drink.

In four weeks you've kicked

Every habit I'd picked up

In twenty years without an us.

I'm eating my five a day

Snacking on delectable

Health-food-store selections

Whose names I can't even say.

Popping vitamins as though

Radio 4 had just announced a

Terrorist warning had been taken out

On every Holland & Barrett

Avoid dried meats,

Soft cheese

And caffeine.

'Keep calm and drink tea'

No longer applies, you see,

Because I am perpetually fucking stressed.

Each twinge has me running to the Internet

Where other mums-to-be amidst

'Three miscarriages and one ectopic pregnancy'

From Tennessee, do their best

To both reassure and put the fear of God up me.

Currently, you're the size of a sesame seed,

But in two more weeks

You'll have an audible heartbeat.

© Annie Phetamine

Much love.



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