Wednesday 27 October 2010

Happy 1000 Views...

I know I promised something cheerful and in a mildly backhanded and drunken way, this is.

My name is Elise Hadgraft and I've just forcibly thrown up five pints of beer because I don't want a hangover tomorrow.

All that I have done and all that I will be rests on tonight and the response I receive to this entry.

My hands are burning from the cold, my head aches and I'm wishing desperately that Pixel wasn't getting utterly fucked up in Derby so that I had somebody to talk to - although I send him my absolute best, if anybody deserves a break from my antics it's him.

I know that certain people positively hang on my every written word - from those that used to know me, want to further understand me or desire to use my own candid confession against me...to you I have a message: I'm a liar.

A fucking good one from all the practice I've had.

If you genuinely wish to explore the depths of my psyche, talk to me.

I'm unable to spout my fictitious bullshit in the context of face to face interaction.

Everything I admit, when looking you in the eyes, is a fundamental truth - this also applies to when I'm drunk and/or on drugs.

It's the curse of my family to give themselves away when discretion is actually called for and I often wonder if I'm really as opposed to carrying on that line as I claim.

That's why I'm making a pact with myself.

I'm not going to fall into the trap of blagging my way out of or simply denying myself happiness because I haven't got the balls to stand up and stake my claim - my past is nothing more than the baby steps that got me to where I am now.

All is forgiven. Nothing is forgotten.

I have loved, I have lied and I will do only one of these again.

Make your choice.

Annie.

<3

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